Monthly Archives: September 2009

When I see her, my heart smiles

Kristen has been the whole thing in my life since the first time I met her. The multi-talented young actress who has unusual beauty, good voice and free soul character that made me want her more and more.

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It was not easy to woo her at the beginning. A stern warning from Catherine was one of the most bewildering. Not to get close to Kristen because her BF was Catherine’s best friend. But how could I resist her strong enchantment. For non-understanding reasons, I found my new habits. Feeling whole while she was around. That’s why it was very easy to show my comfortable gesture every time we were together. Was easy to smile when I have her in my arms.

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I clinged to my commitment. If you love someone, you don’t give up. My growing feelings kept the commitment stronger and stronger. I didn’t care about the past anymore. Without her I have no future. I only need her. She’s becoming too important for me. My sunshine, my angel, my life. But after the b**** accident after Bobby’s concert, I knew I must try harder to make her confident. I remembered that night, before she finally slept on my chest, I told her that I only need 3 things in my life. The sun, the moon and herself. I need the sun for my days, need the moon for my nights and need her for the rest of my life. She didn’t say anything, but I knew she understood. The rest of that night, she kept her self in my arms. My sleeping angel.

She was adorable at the VMA. She asked me once my opinion about her black jet hair (I didn’t know the color of it actually, I only see her her turned from brown to black). I told her that I love her long & dark brown hair, but I realized one thing after all. When I saw her in the picture with that short black jet hair, I didn’t see her hair anymore. My heart was only to her. She will always be the most beautiful creature in my universe. I was standing behind her, listening without concentration to Taylor. Admiring her. Then I felt it. Sometimes the heart sees what the eyes can’t. My heart started to grow bigger. My heart smiled widely. I was amazed. Every time I saw her my heart smiles. Having her in my arms back stage was the most thrilling moment. With her confident, it was easier for me to be with her in front of the crowds. No words need to say. I just value the moment. We were in our own bubble. Only me & Kristen.

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She is every reason, every hope and every dream I’ve ever had. No matter what happens to us in the future, every day we were together was the greatest day of my life.
– quoted from Notebook (movie) –

related posts:
Kristen, my sunshine, my angel
Kristen is my life & my soul
his arm is my happiest place

These are what I had in mind when I looked at the pictures. Whatever the true story behind the wide-spread pictures & newest gossip, within the next few days and months, my writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.

Disclaimer: All photographs and manips used in this blog are belongs to their rightful owners.

His arms is my happiest place.

I was happy. I knew for sure. I was tremendously happy. When we finally met again before New Moon started, I could smile fully. Nobody makes me laugh like he does. He was my joy. My comfort. My best friend. The half that make me whole.

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I never imagined that my relationship with Robert could get stronger. I had no confident. It was very difficult at the beginning. But he’s been very patience and understanding. Though I faced the flammable jealousy to Erika & Emilie, but Robert has proven his commitment. I have put the permanent and unbreakable hold to his heart. After he kissed me at King Leon’s concert and the way he faced the painful b**** accident after Bobby Long’s, I knew he’s someone who truly loved me and someone I could trust.

We were sitting lazily on the cozy couch in his room, talked and laughed together about random things. We discussed the possibility of attending the VMA. We planned many things as usual. He was so funny. I enjoyed every single moment I had with him. Then I pulled my self closer and crawled into his embrace. Positioned myself to his warm and comforting arms. Closed my eyes, breathed slowly, inhaling his aroma. “You know Rob, they said Disney world is the happiest place on earth. Obviously, they never been in your arms”. Then, something struck my mind. His arms is truly my happiest place. He laughed. Hold me tighter to his build. Kissed my lips lightly before saying, “Oh Kristen, I love you. How can I stop when loving you is like breathing”. His British accent was so wonderful. I could listen to it all day. We forgot all of our plans about VMA. We just value every second of our togetherness.

We were there. On the stage. All together again. The three of us. Me, Taylor and my perfect Edward, Rob. I knew it was not easy for Taylor. He moved and talked awkwardly near us. I could not blame him. It was very difficult for me to not show my tremendous happiness being with Rob. I really want to brand him as mine. I was wondering. Did Robert loves me because I am beautiful, or I am beautiful because I knew he loves me. While we were listening to Taylor answering some questions from the audience, Robert was right behind me. Towering. Suddenly all my surroundings became blurred. I only could focus on one thing. His eyes on my back. His warm eyes, the gray-blueish soulful eyes I adore much, sent a shiver down to every core of my bodice. I almost lost my patience. I wish we could finish everything so I could go back to my happiest place. His arms.

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I knew, even though I didn’t feel anything toward Taylor, but being together in front of the camera with your co-stars who’s crazily in love was not easy for Taylor. I could not do anything. I didn’t have a strength to keep my distance from Rob. Back stage, my necessity for being in his arms was getting stronger. He put his arms on my shoulder, pulled me closer again. I felt the woosh of happiness. There was nothing better than being so closed to someone you’re in love deeply. I put my right hand into his inside jacket, love the feeling being so intimate. I realized, that was the second veiled announcement to public that we were in love. No words. Just the intimate action. We were in love. I really didn’t care anymore. From time to time, my confident is getting stronger. I have to be with Robert. I only could be happy with him. His arm is my happiest place.

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Related post:
the permanent and unbreakable hold to my heart

kissing my angel in public

These are what I had in mind when I looked at the pictures. Whatever the true story behind the wide-spread pictures & newest gossip, within the next few days and months, my writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.

Disclaimer: All photographs and manips used in this blog are belongs to their rightful owners.

About Kristen, I am the masochistic lion

I thought people would stop. Well, I could not stop the magazines. They would do anything to sell their exemplars. I was okay for few months with all the craps sold on the magazines. I even almost satisfied when OK magazines put their headlines about our engagement. I told Kristen how about if we made their crap come into a real story. Me & Kristen engaged. Kristen was laughing. It was a good idea, but we both knew for sure, if we finally put our commitment into a ring, we will do it publicly. Nothing to hide about me & Kristen.

That’s why after publicly kissing her at King Leon’s concert, I knew our relationship has leaped to a higher level. We both sure about our decision. But it was only a short happy moment. Within the last few days, I started to feel irritated. One magazine put the news that I gave very stern warning to Michael to stay away from Kristen and get out from her life. Kristen was furious about that crap. I kept silence at her anger. We both knew the truth. At a certain point, I truly understood Edward’s possessiveness on Bella. I felt that too. Kristen is my life and my soul. The more I spent my time with her, the more I understood my feeling. She’s the one I want in my life.

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I knew Michael has been trying to win her back since Kristen said no to his marriage proposal. But gave stern warning to Michael was not my way. My love for Kristen could make me very noble. I have given her my words months ago.
“Kristen, you will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course, if you outgrew me—if you wanted something more—I would understand that. I promise I wouldn’t stand in your way if you wanted to leave me.” -quote from New Moon-

It was a torturing time. A time of a great misery. I could never imagine my life without her. But I have made my commitment. She’s my priority. I will never made her suffer.

But then I realized. It was after Bobby Long’s concert. Too many paps and fans. After the concert, before we left to our cab, she already told me that she wanted to go only with me. She already felt uncomfortable. It was not only irritating. I have to fought very hard to keep my self calm. It burned my heart to see Kristen like that. Then I heard that. Somebody called her b****. She entered the cab in panic. Tried to cover her face. I burned into an anger. I used to handle the fans easily. But this time, out of my understanding, I was furious. Kristen’s manager asked the taxi driver to move. I felt the urge to take Kristen into my arms.

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She was so quite that night. We were on our bed. I brought her into my arms. “What’s wrong with me Rob?” “Am I not good enough for you?” “I knew it seemed like I was playing with your feelings, but you knew, I’ve made my commitment too. I am sure about our relationship”. I kept silent. Hold her tighter, gave her time to poured everything out. Hope that my arms could ease her feelings. I kissed the tip of her head. I pressed it harder. Let my lips stayed quite sometime there. She slipped her hand to my back. Hold me closer to her soft build. The way she hugged me sent a shiver down my spine. I really wished I could hug her forever. To kept her safe. I started to felt like Edward. The masochistic lion. Suffered for his love.

I felt her took a deep breath. I caressed her arms, “Kristen, you knew that you have turned my life ups and downs since I met you”. “But I love you with no excuses, love you without regrets”. “Loving you is like breathing. How can I stop?” “You knew my decision. I will never stepped back”. “You are enough. You are all I want for my life”.

I knew what I’ve decided. I am the masochistic lion. I will suffer if needed. I will do anything so I could be with Kristen as long as I could.

Related posts:
Kristen is my life and my soul
kissing my angel in public

These are what I have in mind when I look at the pictures. Whatever the true story behind the wide-spread pictures & newest gossip, within the next few days and months, my writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.

Disclaimer: All photographs and manips used in this blog are belongs to their rightful owners.