Monthly Archives: November 2009

Reasons of my flipping heart

For almost one year I was overdosed by Robert Pattinson. His perfect symmetrical face with the most beautiful blue – grayish eyes successfully captivated my mind and bundled my heart under his spell. But without notice, the amusement faded. It was probably because most of his news were only about how famous he was as Edward Cullen or probably because most of awards given to him were popular awards. I could not see any progress on his acting career. As a 38 years old woman, pretty face would not be enough to make me loyal to an actor. I pulled my self out of anything related to Twilight & Robert Pattinson for almost one month. Until in one ordinary day, without understandable reasons, I picked Prince Caspian and watched it again for the second time.  I couldn’t remember the exact reason why I chose to watch Prince Caspian, but I did remember my reaction when I watch that movie, the actor who played Caspian was extraordinary handsome and his accent was different. (I just found out later that it was Spanish accent =D).

Prince Caspian - S

Within the last few months too, I found my new habit, the unbearable curiosity.  It was the fervent basic of my journey to find more on the actor who played Prince Caspian, the captivating British actor, Ben Barnes, who was infamous in my country, Indonesia. At the beginning of my searching, I found bunch of amusing facts about Ben Barnes that almost similar with Robert Pattinson and enjoying my time to write blogs about them. I spent almost full of 3 days & nights to wrote 10 blogs. One of the craziest time in my life I guess ^_^

I was harvesting complaints from my friends over my flipping heart. One even commented that I was not loyal *_^  Well, don’t care much actually since for me loyalty only belongs to my faith and to my marriage, not to anything else including actors. So I continued my new passion, Ben Barnes.

It was not easy to follow Ben. I could find tonnes of his pictures, but I have to admit that Ben doesn’t have lots of thing to write about. He’s not fame hungry, barely has interviews, not “out there” getting media attention.  But the more I look at his pictures, the more of my curiosity was getting bolder. I am not on the stage of freaking crazy overdose stage (thank GOD for that), I am just OVERDOSE 😀 Therefore, I must write my reasons about flipping my heart to the strikingly – handsome – but – look – younger – than – his – age, Benjamin Thomas Barnes.

These are some of the the reasons of my flipping heart.

Even though he doesn’t look like the most wanted bad boy type and doesn’t have the perfect symmetrical jaw line with aristocrat-straight nose but he’s totally handsome.

th Prince

And of course, he has the remarkable cleft chin which makes him even more alluring

th Prince

Usually, most of British actors have a pair of beautiful blue or green eyes. But Ben, he captivated my heart because his eyes were different. He has a pair of the darkest eyes which some people called as “demon eyes” (in some ways, I could agree with that). But his eyes are special and unbearable enchanting. His eyes could pierce your brain and stop your heart beating.

th Prince

I like guys with long & slender fingers. Probably, it was the distinguish quality of tall guy. Adding more fuel to my passion, Ben also has it. Not only having the long & slender pianist fingers, he himself also able to play piano. Well, again, I like guys who can play music instruments. Ben could play piano and drums. It was remarkably interesting. An opposite to each other. One is instrument of melody and the other one is instrument of rhythmic. That fact makes him more adorable ^_^

th Prince

Ben has a dark brown straight hair. He has to grew it longer because he still in the production of the third film of Narnia,  The Voyage of the Dawn Treader where he took the role of King Caspian.  Do I mind with his long hair? Nope. He could cut his hair or let it grow, he still dazzles me.

th Prince

What could be more interesting than to see a guy with great smile and beard tied his hair?  Attractive object for my eyes and mind.

th Prince

I like tall guys. They caught my eyes easily.  And I think I have good taste on guys 😀 because Ben has the tall and athletic lean 6’.1” build, makes him looks good in any outfit.

th Prince

I love to see his laughing pictures.  His laugh reaches his eyes. It makes the whole expressions are pure, fresh and lovable.

th Prince

The most captivating of his appearance is his sexy contagious smile. It was very rare to see him without his smile. His smile completes his polite demeanor and makes him very endearing.

th Prince

It was not enough to put only three pictures of his brilliant smile, but it would need more place to capture all of it. So, I dedicated one separate page for his heart-winning-brilliant-sexy-contagious smile ^_^

These are what I had in mind when I looked at his pictures. I write so I can share what I see through my heart, my personal point of view and my own analysis. To see pictures in bigger size or more pictures of Ben, you can visit Ben’ Gallery on the right side of this page.

Disclaimer: All photographs used in this blog are belongs to their rightful owners, benbarnesonline, benbarnessource and benbarnesfan

My love for Kristen starting from forever and ending at never.

I can’t sleep. I was sitting on the couch in the dark living room. I tried very hard to close my eyes, but I still can’t. It was almost 5 am. I looked at my tight schedule for November. From one interview to another, from one show to another, alone. Without Kristen. I felt a hollow in my lungs. I didn’t like the feelings. Though I would be with her during our visit to Tokyo and Paris, but I still don’t think it would be enough. Well, Paris is promising, but I still can’t close my eyes.

Kristen is still sleeping. I stood up, walked slowly to our room, took a peek to see her. I was still wondering, how I could enjoy my new habit. Seeing her sleeping. Exactly just like Edward loves to see Bella in her sleep. She’s very beautiful. Her creamy skin glowed under the tender lights. My angel, my love. I went closer to our bed, bent my self to give her a light kiss on her forehead. Then I moved back. I shut the door slowly, back to my couch. Sitting. Thinking about another annoying thing. My last conversation with Jackson. We were out together with Kellan. Jackson decided to stay a bit longer after Kellan left.

He told me about his feelings. He was a little bit sad because he could not go further on his relationship with Ashley, but he already got it over and actually he was happy too because I was luckier with Kristen. “You just getting closer and better with Kristen each time I met you Rob”, he said. I was just smiling. Then he asked me one question that strokes my nerves. “Do you really think you can keep your relationship with her after the whole saga end, Rob?”. It was not usual. Usually Jackson was the one who hold his words. I raised my eyebrows, “what’s all about Jacks, what kind of question is that?”. He stared at me, quite a moment, exhaled, “I wonder Rob. What exactly the reason of the closeness. Do you really attracted then fell for her because you really find something different in her or your role as Edward influenced you very deep till you can’t separate your real feeling anymore?”. “No need to answer me now, I gotta go. My only wish, be really sure about your feelings for Kristen. Don’t let any false feelings jeopardize your role , we’re having Breaking Dawn on our path”. He stood up, said goodbye and left, leaving me alone with his question.

I heard Kristen open the door’s room. “Rob..” her husky sleepy voice called me. “Where are you?” She turned on the light. I smiled at her, waved my hand, and invited her to come closer. She moved slowly, sleepy, sat next to me and put her head on my chest, her arms around my waist. “Rob, what are you doing here? Why didn’t you sleep?” “What time that Jackson left?” I smiled, took her chin, brought her face to see mine. “Which question do you want me to answer first, love?” She’s yawning, “As you like Rob, I just need to know why are you sitting here, alone in the dark”. “Jackson left around midnight; he sent his hugs for you” I stopped, stared at her eyes. The beautiful angel eyes I love most. She touched my cheek. “What’s wrong Rob? You look different, something is bothering you”. I released her face, re-positioned my body, and brought her closer to my build. “Did you see the cover magazine Kristen, the one about our break ups?”

She yawned, “Yes, I saw it. What about it? It didn’t bother me at all Rob. It was not true, just as before”. “I never thought about that either before, love. But, have you ever think about the reasons you’re here with me?”.

She pulled herself from mine. “What’s wrong Rob? What are you saying here?” I took a deep breath, “Why do you love me, Kristen?” She looked a bit surprised with my question. “What’s wrong, Rob? Why are you asking this question? Is Jackson has something to do with your question?” I nodded my head. “He was wondering my reasons about my feelings for you. Do I love you because I love you, or do I love you because I could not separate my real feeling from Edward’s”. She pulled herself, fully opened her eyes. “You remember last month Rob, I asked you about your love. Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me? None of us answered the question, but I was very sure that I am beautiful because you love me not the other way around”. I remembered that day. I remembered it very well. We were on photo shoot for a magazine. If I ever said that she’s beautiful, I was wrong, because on that day, she’s more than just beautiful. She was gorgeous. I think because I love her, I could see her better than any other people. I see her with my heart, not with my eyes. I remembered my ear to ear smile, expressing my feelings. It was so easy to pose under the instructions.


So when she asked me that question, during the breaks, I didn’t feel like answering. My eyes and my heart were over excited. I expressed my reaction by hugging her tightly, thanking her for her compliment. I could remember how satisfied I was, because my love for her made her beautiful.

I sensed her hand on the locks of my hair, bring me back to our conversation “Now that question goes to another one for you Rob, do you love me because I am Kristen, or do you love me because you see me as Bella?” “What will be your answer Rob?” I took her right hand, brought it to my chest, “You know Kristen, the very reason I decided to go for Twilight audition was because you would be the leading role. I was crazy delightful when Catherine decided, well, after you, my sweet angel, gave your little pressure to her, to gave me the role as Edward. I never imagined that my feeling would grow bigger for you. I fell quite hard over you, Kristen. I believe my growing feeling was the ultimate reason for acting normal as Edward. It was very easy to act as brooding vampire who would do anything for his love, because as me, that was what I felt. I would do anything to have you”.

“When time passed by, I frequently asked myself the same question, do I love you because of me or because Edward’s character took my feelings too deep. But you know, I’ve been waiting for quite long before you decided to trust me and took me as the love of your life. At this moment, I am sure I love you as Kristen not as Bella”. I took her face, planted my kiss to her soft lips, after a few moments, I pulled my lips from her, “I would ask you another question too, if you love me as Kristen, would you love me like Bella loves Edward?” “Would your feeling for me last forever?” She smiled, caressed my cheek slowly with her index fingers down to my chin, my neck, my chest, opened her other finger and put the warm palm there, “Do you really think you can love me like Edward loves Bella, Rob?” I was silent for a moment. I set my eyes to hers, “I am not Edward, love. I can’t live forever, but my heart knows, my love for you is a journey. It starting from forever and ending at never. Would it be enough for you?” She didn’t answer. She just bent her body, put her cheek onto my chest. “Somebody wants you, needs you, dreams about you every single night, I can’t breathe. Do you know what lonely is Rob? It’s my life without you”. I hugged her. The sun started to raise, a new day, a new commitment for our relationship.

Tokyo was great, as usual. I love the fans, but Paris was something else. The ambient gave different experience, probably because I was in Paris, the most romantic city in the world not only with my friend, but I was in Paris with Kristen, the love of my life. I smiled every time Kristen stood near me. It was very easy to face the crowds. Just thinking about our last conversation, then I will widely smile.

Days passed very quick. We were heading back. I still walked on the clouds, very happy with Paris. Kristen was walking with me to our private jet. Suddenly, I felt her hands on mine. I didn’t say anything, but my smile was getting wider. Kristen never did that simple yet intimate gesture if we were not in our private sanctuary. But she did it now.


We are ready to tell the world, we are lovers. I have my answer for Jackson, I will tell him when I meet him. My love for Kristen is because she’s Kristen not because she’s Bella. I am not Edward, but I can love her like Edward loves Bella. It won’t be necessary anymore to hide our relationship. Kristen is every reason, every hope and every dream I’ve ever had. No matter what happens in the future, every day we were together was the greatest day of my life.

These are what I had in mind when I looked at the pictures. My writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.

Disclaimer: All photographs and manips used in this blog are belongs to their rightful owners. No infringement intended