It was during the Vanity Fair photo shoot. Since the first time I got the call on that, without warning, I got more excited. The opportunity came at critical time of my relationship with Kristen. I couldn’t hold my feelings for Kristen anymore but I still not able to do anything. I still not feel comfortable to become the home-wrecker and Kristen still not sure about her feeling for me.
When we started the photo shoot with all the casts, it was fun. But I knew one thing, I can’t set my eyes off of her. Kristen was ultimately beautiful. The black dress combined with her sneakers, she’s really got all my attention. We started to tease to each other. I really tried hard to hold my hands from touching her. Though in my heart, to all of my needs, I want to grab her, brought her to my arm and started to kiss her passionately.
But to my astonishment, our scenes are more than just friendly photo shoot. When she looked at me, with her warm angelic eyes, with her dreamy expression, I felt my heart growing. When she brought her warm build closer to my back and put her warm cheek onto my shoulder, I started to smile. But when she brought her fingers to my arm under my shirt, I felt my whole build shiver. I wish she didn’t do that. I couldn’t bear my feeling. I realized later, after the pictures came out. My serious expression not came from the instruction. But totally my way to keep my self from dragging her to my lap and start doing anything I ever dreamed before. Though I knew she was torturing me, but I love to have her that close.
When I was instructed to carry her and bring her as close as possible, I felt my heart growing even bigger. Carry her and hold her as close as possible? It was not difficult to do. Since the first time I met her, I knew we had the chemistry. I knew I could fall for her. Having her in my arms were becoming my obsession. It just flows. When she jumped and gripped her legs to my waist, once she’s in my arms, the whole thing became clouded. It was only me and Kristen. When she started to put her soft cheek to my forehead, I knew things were getting harder. It was too much to bear. I could sense her. Her soft build and her aroma made me hyperventilating. But I remember one thing that I kept telling myself, I must not carried over. With great difficulty, I dragged my focus back to the photographer. When it’s over, it’s over and I have to put her down, I must do it smoothly. But then, I heard additional instruction. “Take your face to her chin, closer, make it real Rob”. Make it real? What the hell is that? The photographer asked me to make it real? Real for what?
In horror, I turned my head, faced her sweet and lean chin I adore much. What should I do to make it real? My heart for her was real. My feeling for her was real, but the other thing was not. We’re still not ready to bring our feelings out to surface. But then I realized, before this, there are no one could endure my tormented heart. Before, I tied my heart only to myself. Now, when I have her here, I felt every anxiety and lonely tears gone. She made me questioning my reasons. She’s made me searching about the feeling. I didn’t understand, would it be the same if I met someone else. Then her smile woke me up, she might not be my first love, but she’s the love of my life. So I did that. I kissed her. I Kissed her with all of my heart in front of the crowds.
I knew, for the others, our chemistry were amusing. Soothing their eyes. But for me, it was the moment I brand her as the love of my life. The turning point of my life. It was the moment I decided, I love her and I will not give up. I will stop only if Kristen asks me. If she’s not, I will stay at my place. Besides her, the love of my life.
These are what I had in mind when I looked at the pictures. Whatever the true story behind the wide-spread pictures & newest gossip, within the next few days and months, my writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.
Disclaimer: All photographs used in this blog are belongs to everglow