Author Archives: toebildonk

About toebildonk

In my little magical world, I am a Major of Barnia City, a Barnian writer and a Gengster Alien subber. I write to share my feelings, my opinion, my thoughts.

How could I live without the love of my life

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I couldn’t believe my eyes. The article was so irritating. How could they write some craps that totally untrue like that. Rob asked my ex to stay away from me? I felt a very strong eager to shout back to them. It was not the true story.

How could Robert ask my ex to stay away from me, if I was the one who finally found my comfort when I laid my cheek on his shoulder and I was the one who laughed from my heart, but not realized that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. How could Robert ask my ex to stay away from me, if I was the one who’s being so stubborn but at the same time could not stay away from him.

How could Robert ask my ex to stay away, if he’s the one who’s being noble and gave lots of space for me to think about my relationship with Michael. The one who’s really understood my tortured situation 2 years ago. Torn between my long-time friendship with Michael and my growing feelings for Robert. He’s the one who decided to release me and gave me time to considering my decision. Who gave me the statement “I can be noble, Kristen. I’m not going to make you choose between us. Just be happy, and you can have whatever part of me you want, or none at all, if that’s better. Don’t let any debt you feel you owe me influence your decision” – quote from Eclipse – Even though he knew that decision broke his heart.

It was me, with all my senses, turned Michael’s marriage proposal because I knew I would make both of me & Michael miserable if I accepted his proposal. It was me, who finally understood, “If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger”. – quote from New Moon –

I was the one who realized and knew exactly what Bella means. Soul mate was not someone that I can live with, but someone that I can’t live without. I knew who I can’t live without. I could not live without his beautiful soulful eyes, who never fail to see me through. I could not live without his thoughtful smile. I could not live without him, without the half that made whole. I could not live without Robert.

I was still irritated. But I knew. They just didn’t know what exactly happen. They just didn’t know. Robert would never ask my ex to stay away. Because I was the one who decided, that I could not live without the love of my life.

These are what I have in mind when I look at the pictures. Whatever the true story behind the wide-spread pictures & newest gossip, within the next few days and months, my writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.

Disclaimer: All photographs and manips used in this blog are belongs to rightful owners.

For me, you are my world

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Just like Bella, ”I don’t trust myself to be… enough. To deserve Robert. There’s nothing about me that could hold him“. – quote from New Moon –

But the more I spent my time with him, I also realized it’s getting hard to stay away from him. His absence was the most torturing moment for me. Robert was ready to announce our relationship. He was so much ready since we were back from Italy. But I was not confident with his idea.

After Italy, I found out. You learn to love someone, when you find out what makes them laugh. But you can never love someone, until you find out what makes them cry. Robert was no ordinary guy. He has distinctive qualities. He had done many things to made sure that my hold on his heart was permanent & unbreakable. Robert not just found out what makes me laugh, but he also knew what makes me cry. I do certain, he loves me. My growing confident made me comfortable to show publicly, that he’s mine.

I remembered, days before, at Chateau Marmont, having his arm around my body, putting my cheek on his chest, felt the closeness with an affable chap I was crazy about, I told him. “My heart feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn’t belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange. Just your heart in exchange for mine” – quoted from Stardust (movie) –

He said nothing. I felt his breath on my hair. Slowly, he pulled me, brought me closer to his face. “you knew how I feel about you Kristen. You knew how I feel about us. I am ready to show it. But I will wait until you have a same decision with me”. ” I just want you to be happy. It was my priority”. Robert was a man of commitment. I knew, I must made my decision. And it was at King Leon’s concert.

He asked me to sit near him during the King Leon’s concert. I agreed. I was confident and certain. We were just enjoying the concert, until he pulled my hand and folded it into his arm and brought it close to his chest. He said nothing. But within his warmth, I knew, it was my time. I turned my face and whispered, “Rob, I am ready”. He was stunned. “ready for what love?”. I pulled myself closer and brought my lips to his ear “to follow your commitment”. I knew he was waiting for that. He knew what I asked from him. He just made sure that I was ready. That moment, I felt a woosh of happiness. I love him. And trying to describe it was like trying to describe the color of air. Impossible.

With my hand still in his, he pulled me closer, bent down and started to kissed me. My heart was rejoicing. His lips brought satisfaction to mine. He smelled tobacco and beer. My Robert. I dragged my body higher, so I could match his deepening kiss.

I knew, our action were caught by many eyes and cameras. But I didn’t care anymore. My true love was right in front of me. Kissing me in public. We have nothing to hide. To the world, Robert is only one person. But for me Robert is my world.

I could not tell that they were really kissing. The picture was not clear. But in my imagination, they were kissing :D. Whatever the true story behind the wide-spread pictures & newest gossip, my writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.

Disclaimer: All photographs and manips used in this blog are belongs to rightful owners.

Kissing my angel in public

30 Replies

I was totally aware that Kristen used to lean herself on me. During Twilight, every time a picture was taken, she was comfortably leaned herself. I believed it was because of our very good chemistry as co-stars.

During our encounter from premiere to premiere, I was still believed, every time she leaned herself, it was because of our friendship. But our feelings were growing stronger. I knew that every time she leaned herself, it was not only because of our very good chemistry nor our friendship. She told me once that my arms is her castle and my heart is her sky. It was an assurance. Every time she gravitated herself and leaned to my chest, it was because she loves me and she was trusting herself to my arms.

I still remembered clearly, during the filming breaks, the way she leaned and putting her finger on my shirt gave a thrill to my heart. It was not Edward Bella’s moment anymore. It was our moment. That was the moment I was certain, she’s the only one I want.

I also aware, that after so many trial during our separation and every single moment we have after that, she was getting comfortable and certain about our relationship. I was satisfied. She slowly showed without hesitant, that I was hers.

I was so much ready to announce our relationship. Her love note and knowing how I meant for her, strengthen my decision. I have made my commitment. I will do anything for us. Because when you love someone, you don’t give up. But I still have to wait. Kristen was not that confident about my decision. It was King Leon concert. We have decided to join the other casts to that concert. I told Kristen that I want her to sit next to me. I need her to be with me and she agreed.

It was out of my plan. I only wanted her to be near me. Close to my build. I just love to share my comments and stories during the performance with someone like her. Someone whom my heart attached to. But when she leaned herself, I could not hold myself. I took her hand, folded it into my hands. I felt her warmth. She smiled bashfully. My heart grew in satisfaction. I love my angel so much. Then she turned her face and whispered, “Rob, I am ready”. I was stunned. “ready for what love?”. She pulled herself closer and brought her lips to my ear “to follow your commitment”. I knew what she asked for. I was amazed by her decision. My angel, ready to announce our relationship, asking me to kiss her in public.

From the first time I sat next to her on that chair, I told myself to hold. I should not do anything to follow my desire. I must wait until she was ready. But I was also very sure. If she asked, I won’t be able to hold myself anymore. It was my longing, to kiss her passionately not only for the movie sake.

I was waiting for that moment, when we need no more hidden action. And she was ready now. Nothing could hold my decision. I bent my head and slowly kissed her lips. I could taste her lips on mine. It was soft & sweet. Not letting her hands, I deepen my kiss. I knew Kellan & Jackson were shocked. Usually we were able to hide our reaction in public. But it was different. We both were ready to stepped into the next level. It was the answer to my long waiting desire. I kissed my angel in public.

I could not tell that they were really kissing. The picture was not clear. But for my imagination, they were kissing. Whatever the true story behind the wide-spread pictures & newest gossip, my writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.

Disclaimer: All photographs used in this blog are belongs to rightful owners.

My Little Heart

a piece of my heart & my dream

Author Archives: toebildonk

About toebildonk

How could I live without the love of my life

For me, you are my world

Kissing my angel in public