Category Archives: Imaginary Writings

My imagination when I see pictures of those I admire with my heart.

About Kristen, I am the masochistic lion

I thought people would stop. Well, I could not stop the magazines. They would do anything to sell their exemplars. I was okay for few months with all the craps sold on the magazines. I even almost satisfied when OK magazines put their headlines about our engagement. I told Kristen how about if we made their crap come into a real story. Me & Kristen engaged. Kristen was laughing. It was a good idea, but we both knew for sure, if we finally put our commitment into a ring, we will do it publicly. Nothing to hide about me & Kristen.

That’s why after publicly kissing her at King Leon’s concert, I knew our relationship has leaped to a higher level. We both sure about our decision. But it was only a short happy moment. Within the last few days, I started to feel irritated. One magazine put the news that I gave very stern warning to Michael to stay away from Kristen and get out from her life. Kristen was furious about that crap. I kept silence at her anger. We both knew the truth. At a certain point, I truly understood Edward’s possessiveness on Bella. I felt that too. Kristen is my life and my soul. The more I spent my time with her, the more I understood my feeling. She’s the one I want in my life.

I knew Michael has been trying to win her back since Kristen said no to his marriage proposal. But gave stern warning to Michael was not my way. My love for Kristen could make me very noble. I have given her my words months ago.
“Kristen, you will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course, if you outgrew me—if you wanted something more—I would understand that. I promise I wouldn’t stand in your way if you wanted to leave me.” -quote from New Moon-

It was a torturing time. A time of a great misery. I could never imagine my life without her. But I have made my commitment. She’s my priority. I will never made her suffer.

But then I realized. It was after Bobby Long’s concert. Too many paps and fans. After the concert, before we left to our cab, she already told me that she wanted to go only with me. She already felt uncomfortable. It was not only irritating. I have to fought very hard to keep my self calm. It burned my heart to see Kristen like that. Then I heard that. Somebody called her b****. She entered the cab in panic. Tried to cover her face. I burned into an anger. I used to handle the fans easily. But this time, out of my understanding, I was furious. Kristen’s manager asked the taxi driver to move. I felt the urge to take Kristen into my arms.

She was so quite that night. We were on our bed. I brought her into my arms. “What’s wrong with me Rob?” “Am I not good enough for you?” “I knew it seemed like I was playing with your feelings, but you knew, I’ve made my commitment too. I am sure about our relationship”. I kept silent. Hold her tighter, gave her time to poured everything out. Hope that my arms could ease her feelings. I kissed the tip of her head. I pressed it harder. Let my lips stayed quite sometime there. She slipped her hand to my back. Hold me closer to her soft build. The way she hugged me sent a shiver down my spine. I really wished I could hug her forever. To kept her safe. I started to felt like Edward. The masochistic lion. Suffered for his love.

I felt her took a deep breath. I caressed her arms, “Kristen, you knew that you have turned my life ups and downs since I met you”. “But I love you with no excuses, love you without regrets”. “Loving you is like breathing. How can I stop?” “You knew my decision. I will never stepped back”. “You are enough. You are all I want for my life”.

I knew what I’ve decided. I am the masochistic lion. I will suffer if needed. I will do anything so I could be with Kristen as long as I could.

These are what I have in mind when I look at the pictures. Whatever the true story behind the wide-spread pictures & newest gossip, within the next few days and months, my writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.

Disclaimer: All photographs and manips used in this blog are belongs to their rightful owners.

How could I live without the love of my life

7 Replies

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The article was so irritating. How could they write some craps that totally untrue like that. Rob asked my ex to stay away from me? I felt a very strong eager to shout back to them. It was not the true story.

How could Robert ask my ex to stay away from me, if I was the one who finally found my comfort when I laid my cheek on his shoulder and I was the one who laughed from my heart, but not realized that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. How could Robert ask my ex to stay away from me, if I was the one who’s being so stubborn but at the same time could not stay away from him.

How could Robert ask my ex to stay away, if he’s the one who’s being noble and gave lots of space for me to think about my relationship with Michael. The one who’s really understood my tortured situation 2 years ago. Torn between my long-time friendship with Michael and my growing feelings for Robert. He’s the one who decided to release me and gave me time to considering my decision. Who gave me the statement “I can be noble, Kristen. I’m not going to make you choose between us. Just be happy, and you can have whatever part of me you want, or none at all, if that’s better. Don’t let any debt you feel you owe me influence your decision” – quote from Eclipse – Even though he knew that decision broke his heart.

It was me, with all my senses, turned Michael’s marriage proposal because I knew I would make both of me & Michael miserable if I accepted his proposal. It was me, who finally understood, “If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger”. – quote from New Moon –

I was the one who realized and knew exactly what Bella means. Soul mate was not someone that I can live with, but someone that I can’t live without. I knew who I can’t live without. I could not live without his beautiful soulful eyes, who never fail to see me through. I could not live without his thoughtful smile. I could not live without him, without the half that made whole. I could not live without Robert.

I was still irritated. But I knew. They just didn’t know what exactly happen. They just didn’t know. Robert would never ask my ex to stay away. Because I was the one who decided, that I could not live without the love of my life.

Disclaimer: All photographs and manips used in this blog are belongs to rightful owners.

For me, you are my world

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Just like Bella, ”I don’t trust myself to be… enough. To deserve Robert. There’s nothing about me that could hold him“. – quote from New Moon –

But the more I spent my time with him, I also realized it’s getting hard to stay away from him. His absence was the most torturing moment for me. Robert was ready to announce our relationship. He was so much ready since we were back from Italy. But I was not confident with his idea.

After Italy, I found out. You learn to love someone, when you find out what makes them laugh. But you can never love someone, until you find out what makes them cry. Robert was no ordinary guy. He has distinctive qualities. He had done many things to made sure that my hold on his heart was permanent & unbreakable. Robert not just found out what makes me laugh, but he also knew what makes me cry. I do certain, he loves me. My growing confident made me comfortable to show publicly, that he’s mine.

I remembered, days before, at Chateau Marmont, having his arm around my body, putting my cheek on his chest, felt the closeness with an affable chap I was crazy about, I told him. “My heart feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn’t belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange. Just your heart in exchange for mine” – quoted from Stardust (movie) –

He said nothing. I felt his breath on my hair. Slowly, he pulled me, brought me closer to his face. “you knew how I feel about you Kristen. You knew how I feel about us. I am ready to show it. But I will wait until you have a same decision with me”. ” I just want you to be happy. It was my priority”. Robert was a man of commitment. I knew, I must made my decision. And it was at King Leon’s concert.

He asked me to sit near him during the King Leon’s concert. I agreed. I was confident and certain. We were just enjoying the concert, until he pulled my hand and folded it into his arm and brought it close to his chest. He said nothing. But within his warmth, I knew, it was my time. I turned my face and whispered, “Rob, I am ready”. He was stunned. “ready for what love?”. I pulled myself closer and brought my lips to his ear “to follow your commitment”. I knew he was waiting for that. He knew what I asked from him. He just made sure that I was ready. That moment, I felt a woosh of happiness. I love him. And trying to describe it was like trying to describe the color of air. Impossible.

With my hand still in his, he pulled me closer, bent down and started to kissed me. My heart was rejoicing. His lips brought satisfaction to mine. He smelled tobacco and beer. My Robert. I dragged my body higher, so I could match his deepening kiss.

I knew, our action were caught by many eyes and cameras. But I didn’t care anymore. My true love was right in front of me. Kissing me in public. We have nothing to hide. To the world, Robert is only one person. But for me Robert is my world.

I could not tell that they were really kissing. The picture was not clear. But in my imagination, they were kissing :D. Whatever the true story behind the wide-spread pictures & newest gossip, my writings is just my point of view, my own analysis.

Disclaimer: All photographs and manips used in this blog are belongs to rightful owners.

My Little Heart

a piece of my heart & my dream

Category Archives: Imaginary Writings

About Kristen, I am the masochistic lion

How could I live without the love of my life

For me, you are my world